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When she was in her very early 20s, Addison met a man who was absolutely smitten with her — and he made sure that she knew it. He pursued her hard in the beginning, showering her with attention, praise, and adoration.

Having grown up on Disney fairy tales , rom-coms , and books like The Rules , which hype relentless suitors who value women whom they have to chase to the ends of the earth, Addison just kind of went with it. Despite lingering doubts, she ended up in a marriage by her mids — with a husband whose enthusiasm was not, in fact, all it had seemed to be. It waned over time.

He did not defend her in front of his family members, they fought constantly, he did not consider her feelings. This is a heteronormative exploration of dating rituals and for that reason a heteronormative article on said rituals. With a culture of ghosting, bread-crumbing, zombie-ing , and just flat-out constant shuffling, I get that things seem inherently fragile out there, and lots of people want to insulate against rejection.

Here are two reasons why strength of pursuit is a problem, and one very important way to choose a better partner. It removes female agency. Because this storyline removes female agency from the equation. She let him choose her. He dragged her step by step through various phases of commitment.

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