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Why women settle for less in relationships


In many ways, the rules have evolved for dating. Parents may be unrealistic if they think abstinence will protect their teenaged girls.

Today, 75 percent of young women will have had sexual intercourse before they leave their teens. Hooking-up, as in no strings attached sex, is widely accepted by society, but the emotional risks it presents to teenagers and adult women contrasts dramatically to what is often widely assumed.

It is not hard for a young woman to fall into a pattern of sextimacy, which is the pursuit of sex with the hope of also achieving emotional intimacy. Typically, young or adult, these women are caught between two poles: Left with the understandable perception that there are no other viable options to develop male relationships, some believe sextimacy is a way for them to level the playing field.

For a surprising number, sextimacy is the primary means for forging relationships with men. These women have come to believe that wanting emotional intimacy with Why women settle for less in relationships with whom they also have sex is weak and needy, a Why women settle for less in relationships of sappy female stereotype.

In reality, sextimacy is a poor choice; usually the woman is left with sinking disappointment because it never fully delivers what she desires —a real relationship.

In my practice, I often talk with women who are fed up with sextimacy and bravely admit that all they really want is to have a meaningful, mutual connection with someone they adore and who adores them in return. The problem these women face is that, within the present culture of dating and hooking-up, they have not learned how to form lasting, meaningful, truly intimate relationships with men.

"Those with stronger fears about...

Although these women tell me they are looking for long-term acceptance and commitment from the men in their lives, their actions tell a different story. Sextimacy is a self-defeating cycle.

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