When I was growing up, I remember people explaining what bisexuality meant. They said bisexual people were confused about where their attraction lies — boys or girls.
Both was never an option. This shaped how I felt about myself and why I thought I was heterosexual for a long time. In fact, it took me a while to admit to myself, and to others, that I was bisexual. Bisexual people are often stereotyped as gay or straight depending on who they are in a relationship with. I was in middle school the first time I encountered Bi curious heterosexual relationships.
I remember one girl who came out as bisexual; she was dating another girl and at the time, and everyone kept referring to her as a lesbian. She was my only example of bisexuality. Watching people treat her like this confused me. No one was mad she was dating a girl, but it is almost as if they decided for her, who and what she was going to be.
I often thought of this Bi curious heterosexual relationships I initially started questioning my own sexuality and it always played a part in me being scared to come out because I figured I would be invalidated.
No one taught me that bisexuality and being bi-curious were two different things. In my young mind, they both meant confusion. Bi curious heterosexual relationships eventually learned this was not the case. It always stuck in the back of my mind, crawling out at random times throughout my life and hindering my courage to talk about who I was and what I felt. The first time I was really confused about my attraction to women I kept pushing it away.
I thought, I only ever dated boys so I was straight, right? This seemed to be the easier answer to the question, so I told myself this over and over, unsure of what to think of my conflicting feelings.
At this time, I knew that someone could be bisexual and be in either a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, but I still struggled with the myths that people around me believed about bisexual people. It had been a struggle for me to fight between what I knew in my mind and what they had always told me.
I started coming out as bisexual and being open about my sexuality in my senior year of high school. I wanted to stop hiding myself. Their support was overwhelming. So when I got into a relationship, I expected the same level of encouragement — I was wrong. When I started dating my partner, everyone started to assume I was straight again, because I am in a heterosexual relationship.
I Bi curious heterosexual relationships like my bisexuality was no longer valid and that hurt me. I felt like I was accepted one moment and faced the brunt of rejection the next.
Just like before, I felt like Bi curious heterosexual relationships identity was erased. This was hard to hear because it insinuates that being bisexual automatically makes someone unfaithful, when in reality, cheating on a partner has nothing to do with sexuality.
This makes it hard to come out to people.
But my sexuality and my relationship are both valid. This is why bi-erasure hits hard — because you need to fight for yourself and your existence.