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All my friends are hookup and im like


I had been in serious relationships for a grand total of about six and a half years, and I felt like it was a rite of passage—reclaiming my sexuality by confidently approaching someone, sexily batting my eyelashes, and having a passionate evening together, no strings attached. You know, Sex and the City style. After all, my birth certificate reads Samantha, so.

Carl, who was from Mexico, was cute and had a nice smile, but I was baffled. It was then I suddenly noticed my best friend was somehow talking to him, and she was pointing at me. In my distress, I whirled around and noticed a giant bucket in the center of the party. And it was filled with bright "All my friends are hookup and im like" yellow liquid with festive fruit floating in it.

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It tasted like mango, and it was so, so delicious. It was then that I made my first mistake: An hour or so passed like this, with my best friend and I mingling throughout the party. I had all but given up on talking to Carl when suddenly, he approached me with a bottle of tequila.

But hey, at least it got him talking. He had the most lovely accent, and I was totally charmed. But suddenly, my happy thoughts were violently interrupted when I felt something happening.

And I became keenly aware that I was smushed between two people. For like, a really, really long time. I have never barfed so much in my life.

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