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How to get over intimacy issues


I am a man in my late 20s. I have a great job, a wide circle of friends "How to get over intimacy issues" life is good. However, I have never been able to interact with women on anything more than a level of friendship. I have never had a girlfriend or been on a date, and I How to get over intimacy issues a virgin. I have many women friends, who consider me great company and tell me I would make "ideal" boyfriend or husband material.

Since adolescence, I have always been regarded as the life and soul of the party and have had no problems interacting with the opposite sex on nights out and so on. However, when I am around women to whom I am attracted, I become clumsy, stressed and apprehensive. At a recent wedding, as soon as a woman there indicated that she wanted to spend the night with me, I made a series of clumsy excuses to part company with her, despite finding her attractive.

I am concerned that even if I do work past all this and meet someone with whom I can form a relationship, my emotional and sexual immaturity will prove a real stumbling block - I do not even know if I would be able to explain this to anyone.

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I feel completely ill-equipped to form any such relationship for fear of messing up or highlighting my woeful inexperience. Like you, I had no relationship experience until I was well into my 20s. I also found that my self-confidence in other parts of my life was not easily transferable to romance.

What seemed insurmountable to me appeared to come easily to everyone else I knew.

Your heart and soul have...

As a man, I felt under pressure to take the initiative in relationships with women and to be experienced in bed; I also found it difficult to tell when a woman was attracted to me. Although I knew at some level that I was being irrational, I found it very difficult to overcome my fear of rejection, so I never dared to take the risk of asking someone out. It doesn't sound as if you are emotionally immature and it's very likely that you will be capable of sexual intimacy with the right person.

Your ability to pursue strong female friendships is a huge advantage. Many people "How to get over intimacy issues" confidence in this way, even those who appear How to get over intimacy issues have successful relationships. Previous experience, sexual or otherwise, is no substitute for being open with a new partner and willing to learn about her.

When I met my girlfriend, she was intimidated by the experience she assumed I must have had, but being honest with her reassured her and we learned to love together.

Remain patient and be willing to risk disappointment by approaching women you are interested in. A few years ago, I was also paralysed by the fear of "messing up", but I'm now married with a young family.

You may have to acknowledge that you have missed your chance to play the field, but time is still on your side. When How to get over intimacy issues are in their early 20s, it seems that every eligible woman has her pick of partners, who in turn appear more experienced and confident than you.

Yet 10 years later, the same women are bemoaning the lack of decent single men prepared to commit to serious relationships, something you seem ready to do. You worry that your inexperience is so great that it will ruin any relationship you try to start, but by your age almost everyone has acquired some kind of emotional baggage; this just happens to be yours.

Our attempts to avoid intimacy...

Perhaps the first woman to whom you reveal the truth may find it difficult to deal with, but whose loss will that really be? It's just as likely, when you find someone who sees in you all the other qualities she is looking for, that she will take all this in her stride.

If you already know how to be a good friend, you're well on the way to being a good partner. For "How to get over intimacy issues," internet dating provided the ideal route to finding a partner, as I knew anyone I contacted this way would be single and looking for a relationship too.

There was also the opportunity to build relationships by email before meeting anyone in person. You may also consider counselling - I never did, but I still wonder whether the simple act of unburdening myself to someone would have helped me move on a lot sooner. Please don't be disheartened: As a woman in her 20s, I can honestly say that my female friends and I would not find your situation a problem at all; on the contrary in fact.

If you speak about it as eloquently as you do in your letter, with a mixture of sweet bewilderment and candid humour, then any woman would understand and empathise.

Despite popular belief among some young men, women do not necessarily want their men to be experienced; in fact, How to get over intimacy issues are in a perfect position to learn what makes a woman tick.

We all love to give advice - even in bed! As for being embarrassed when you talk to someone you find attractive, again this is not unusual, and any woman who didn't find it a lovely and refreshing change from confident and arrogant come-ons isn't worth your time anyway. Name and address withheld. You are not alone - I did not have a sexual relationship until my late 30s. I am happily married to the woman who was my second serious girlfriend now, but I know how difficult it can be to make the transition from getting on well with women, to actually being someone's boyfriend.

I believe it may help to break down the process of forming an intimate relationship with a woman into "How to get over intimacy issues" steps. First, you must go on dates, even if this feels uncomfortable at first.

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