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Welcome, readers, to Butt Week.

I have a inch waist and inch hips. When you have a big butt, people throw that word at you a lot.

The more I squat, the more it grows. And that was before butts were cool. Thunderbutt was my nickname.

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Jeggings got me through college. They can play with it for days. I had a boyfriend who used to lick it. A friend who was dating the actor Jamie Foxx asked me to wear a long baggy sweater once when we went out with him.

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I agreed to hide the fanny, but he seemed to be able to just sense it was there. All men inevitably beg for anal sex.

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One pain in the rear I always endure is the inevitable spanking. It still has nerve endings, people. Men aside, my butt and I do face other challenges. I buy my dresses and pants multiple sizes bigger to be able to fit my rear, then get the rest taken in by a tailor.

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But, no matter how I dress, I somehow always end up looking like a Kardashian. The only thing I can wear off the rack is black and clothes with stretch. Spanx are my pals, but even they seem to get lost in the crevices.

And then there are the logistical nightmares that come with having an ample bottom. My posterior also always manages to become the subject of conversation.

When I reunited with my best friend after a month apart, the first words out of her mouth were: Girls stare just as much as men. Everyone can see it, trust me.

When I hear about women who are considering rear augmentation, it lifts me up. There are people who want this.

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