Men who have given up on dating: What's your dating history? At what point did you decide to stop trying? I'm 30 years old, I lost my cherry at 22 and have since casually dated about a dozen women, with one on and off girlfriend and one passionate love affair. I have recently lost interest in dating because I feel like the investment I have to make isn't commensurate with results I've been able to achieve and having lost my virginity, I am okay to "calm down" about the whole thing, cross it off my bucket list and spend my time doing more rewarding activities.
I still have a sex drive but I largely porn for that.
I'm sorry to rehash an old topic but according to my search function, the last time we had one of these was a year ago, not counting a lady asking "how do men not give up?
That seemed more to be about men who didn't give up. Men, thanks for the turnout and keep sharing if you've got stuff to share. I think we're getting a good spread of situations. I wouldn't say that I've completely given up on dating, I just stopped trying because the entire dating culture is completely unenjoyable to me. Up until I turned 16, I was really shy and socially awkward around people I didn't know.
I had given multiple attempts at getting a girlfriend, but they all ended up failing miserably. I was also really small and an easy bullying target. At some point, I got tired of being small, so I joined the football team and ended up getting big. I also mellowed out a lot more, and became much more "cool" for lack of a better word. It also helped that all of my bullies had either mellowed out as well, graduated, dropped out, or gotten killed not even exaggerating.
Realizing how much better I looked and how much better my personality was, I figured I might have more success in dating, but I didn't. Realizing that the entire dating thing was doing more harm than good, I stopped trying. Every interaction that I have with a person of the opposite gender, I automatically assume that they're just being friendly. When I take attraction out of the picture, I can actually be quite engaging; I give up on dating reddit if I sub out attraction and sub I give up on dating reddit platonic, I have no troubles talking to anyone.
It's not perfect, and I'm probably gonna try again sometime in the future when I'm more satisfied with myself, but for now, the bandaid is working. If I can't be happy while alone, bringing in someone else into the picture isn't going to solve anything. That's not how it works. We're a social species, unhappiness can very well stem from solitude or loneliness. It really annoys me when people think that finding a girlfriend won't make you happy.
A lot of the things that make me happy I don't want to do alone. I find it hard to motivate myself to go and try a restaurant alone but if I was with someone who I cared about I'd say yes in an instant. This isn't one of those situations though.
My unhappiness stems from a lack of money and the fact that I'm still stuck at my parent's house. Having a girlfriend won't fix either of those problems, and trying to find one will only introduce more problems that I can do without. I haven't gotten to a point where my charming personality is good enough that it makes a girl willing to put herself out "I give up on dating reddit" so I don't have to, so I'm pretty much multiplying by 0 in the attractive category.
There's not point in increasing your attractiveness if you don't make any use of it at some point.
If he stays in this "they don't like me" state of mind, he'll never seize the opportunity when it will present itself. If he stays in it for a while, hopefully he'll learn to pick up on signals women give when they are interested because their behaviour will change when he doesn't appear desperate or overly interested.
Then eventually he can start escalating with those ones. Acting disinterested in dating because you've given up and disinterested because you want to know them as a person first might appear similar, but the motivations are extremely different. I am going to hazard a guess he'll get more interested when he realises he's actually attracting women.
I get your point, but I think in the long run he's better off on this path than the one he was on. It doesn't matter anyway since the overwhelming majority of girls expect you to make the first move. Couldn't get laid throughout 8 years of college. Just said "fuck it, maybe getting laid just isn't for me.
Then I'll say what I usually say to stuff like this: Talking to women in bars is great, but it's the tip of the iceberg. This includes meeting people outside a drinking environment, showing interest, getting numbers, and following through.
After the third woman who I was serious enough with to consider marrying told me that I wasn't husband material. Apparently I'm great for dating, not for marrying. I'm convinced that a dog is a much better option in the long run, you know, cause people are fucking shit That's my theory too. I'm not so self-centered that I can't see where these ladies are coming from. I am hard to live with. I expect so much out of everyone, including myself.
It's quite terrifying to notice that, given the upvotes, most people agree with you on the fact that dogs are better than humans. Marriage was the goal for Her ideal husband was a walking wallet with no say in the home life.
That's not for me. Why were you not husband material, according to these women?
Did you want I give up on dating reddit be husband material for someone? When pressed, they got pissed and we broke up. Few girlfriends; one at 11 months, one at 9 months, the rest 3 or less. I'm a terrible boyfriend. I find it extraordinarily hard to care about small problems, big problems, significant problems, insignificant problems, and just about anything that has nothing to do with me.
Also I'm fairly abrasive when I'm comfortable with people; the longer someone gets to know me, the I give up on dating reddit the chances are that I'll start pushing their buttons. It's not that I've lost interest in dating; I've just accepted I can't do it well enough to meet some imaginary "Acceptable" level for most girls. As I tend to date under white American girls, the "I give up on dating reddit" entitlement plaguing the vast majority of them tends to render me a "Temporary" status, or a rebound.
As for the girls lacking the entitlement see: For instance, I find it almost impossible to trust people. In other people, mistrust manifests as jealousy, or controlling behaviour, or whatever: I'll stop caring long before I spend the energy it takes to be jealous.
The vast majority of girls I know and have been with found this offensive in some way. Typically, girls end their relationships with me within 3 months. However, I'll end it if they haven't by then. I get frustrated over small things; "bothering me with insignificant crap" constitutes as something that frustrates me. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, care about someone else's problem.
Ah, this is one of the answers I was looking for. I do similar things. I do care about certain people but I have little desire to find new people to care about. Maybe we are assholes, like you said. If I'm a narcissist, I'm the kind that admonishes himself for not living up to what he thinks he's capable of.
Not the kind that thinks he's already all that and how dare you disagree.
When I stopped trying: Post college, I gained a ton of weight. About years ago, I lost over lbs. Still overweight atbut everybody told me I looked good and should get on the market again. After 15 months of strike outs, insults, and confidence-crushing rejections, I gave up.
I had no desire to give up, but mentally I'm convinced that, with the world of online dating, my odds of success are FAR less as women have the ability to find exactly what they're looking for, and that isn't me.
Nothing to admire sadly.