This site uses cookies. By continuing, your consent is assumed. Learn more

124.9fm shares

How to be friends first before dating

opinion

Two summers ago in the height of the sweltering Austin summer, I met someone new on Match. He was very clear about wanting to approach his online dating experience as friends first.

Friendship is the first thing...

We discussed what this would entail when we met. He had a very thought-out, rational reason for this approach. I was skeptical that this approach would work for me, but I was so impressed with his reasoning that I decided to give him a chance.

We went out a total of three times. He was a perfectly decent-looking guy who treated me respectfully, though we seemed to have limited chemistry. I realized at the end of the third date: Usually within 15 or 30 minutes, but certainly within an hour. I will at least know if I want to spend more time with this person and have an interest in exploring our chemistry not necessarily at that first meeting, but at some point.

Friendship is the first thing...

Did I feel an overwhelming attraction and connection to him? I would have felt tacky to ask him to throw that out the window. I did call him a few days later to have a chat. I know everyone has their own policy on this, but for me: To be frank, that only confirmed to me that we were better off ending this now.

Have you ever been "friends...

I know a lot of people find the friends first approach more relaxed and organic. I embrace whatever works for each individual! But I have NO doubt that the friends first thing is not for me! To go into a new relationship with an intentionally ambiguous maybe-we-will-eventually-have-chemistry is unsatisfactory, confusing, and unappealing to me.

The good news is that this is another instance where a specific dating experience provided clarity for me. But my personality is more comfortable understanding that this relationship is defined as a friendship and nothing more.

Bonnie was off the dating market from when she met her now ex-husband till early She has been online dating on-and-off for over 4 years.

She has gone out on at least first dates, interacted with over guys, and reviewed at least profiles. I know you are busy and have lots of ways you could be spending your time.

News feed