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The full rules for the subreddit can be found on our Wikiplease familiarize yourself with them. So I found my girlfriend's match. I need advice on how to handle this. Me M35 and girlfriend 26together for 18 months, lived together 10 months.
Me working full time and away from home for up to 5 days, her at home a PhD student. I was looking through the emails on my girlfriend's phone I know, I know and I found mails from match.
I assumed it was an old account from before we met maybe it is, there's no way of knowing when she created it, right?
Herkennen van vreemdgaan dating
The problem is, I don't want to jump the gun and throw her out. I'm not convinced she's cheating on me and here's why. Some of my neighbours are old school friends. I know they've got my back, they'd tell me if they saw anything.
I check the location of her phone and she's always either at home, collage campus, library whatever. She tells me she loves me all the time. We text, call and FaceTime throughout the day when I'm not
My girlfriend goes on dating sites and we always have a great time when we're together. I just don't get
My girlfriend goes on dating sites. Maybe she's just window shopping. Maybe she updated her profile after a tiff We don't really fight but had an argument on holiday.
Maybe she just felt lonely one day and thought "what harm can it do? I really don't know how to deal with this. DR Girlfriend's got a dating site profile and I need advice on how to deal with it without going straight for the nuclear option.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment and reply, even the ones who said what I didn't want to hear. First of all I know I was behaving like an asshole to pry into her private emails. She trusted me with her phone and I betrayed that trust. I knew I might find something I didn't want to see so I can't really complain when I did.
Now about the phone GPS location snooping thing. We're both Apple users with iPhones and iPads and so we use FindFriends to keep track of all our devices.
As I travel a lot in my job, she likes to see where I am during the day, she says its comforting and she texts me if she sees me in an interesting location and I text back with a photo of what I'm seeing. She and her friends all track each other too and do the same so in that context it's really not so creepy.
It was her idea so maybe there's an element of her insecurity in there too and I admit I've been checking her location more in recent days. The result is this. I'm still undecided as to wether to calmly ask her to delete it or say nothing.
While its totally not cool to have an online dating profile while at the same time asking me to put a ring on it, I think I am being overly paranoid.
Before I say anything, let me disclaim: BUT, some of your behavior is also sketchy and I don't agree with it. Dude, have you considered that she's doing this because she feels hemmed-in and over-controlled by you and this is the only way she can feel like she's free to make her own choices?
From what you've said about reading her mail, checking her location, it sounds like you're maybe kind of "My girlfriend goes on dating sites" and controlling and maybe she feels like she doesn't have any kind of life outside of what you let her do, which is generally not a good feeling.
Also, if all she really does is work or be at home and she never goes out, this could be a surrogate for going out and having a life. People marked as in a relationship on a dating site aren't gonna get much attention. Additionally, I think the fact that you went straight to "welp she's cheating time to dump her" without wanting to talk to her doesn't speak particularly well of you.
Admit wrongdoing in reading her mail because that's not really okay and tell her what you found, and ask why. Don't blame her, don't be aggressive, ask her honestly and gently why she's doing it. And, ask her if it's something wrong in the relationship that made her do it.
Be prepared to not like her answer - it may be that she's thinking of ending it. You need to have a real honest conversation about it, as two equals who are a couple. If you can't do that then your relationship was never going to work out anyway. This is by far the best response I've had and I thank you for that.
I think we've both let each other down and
My girlfriend goes on dating sites time for a talk.
Please read my update above regarding the location checking. FindFriends was her idea and all her buddies track and update each other about their day through FB and Instagram and she asked me to do the same when I joined her circle of friends. I'm now going to be a little ungentlemanly and say she's always been a little high maintenance. At the start of our relationship, she felt insecure because her last boyfriend
My girlfriend goes on dating sites the dirty on her and if anything, she says I don't text or phone enough.
She likes to wake up to a cheesy lovey type text and woe betide me if a forget. She says she's lonely because of my job and if I could change I would
My girlfriend goes on dating sites its not really practical right now.
Maybe a little online flirt is a surrogate for affection as you suggest and maybe I'm just working too much and not paying her the right type of attention. Invading her privacy is not going to give her the feeling of security she's looking for. Yeah, going through her emails and tracking her movements just screams unhealthy relationship.
Using a dating site after...
The dating profile thing is worrying, but the fact that he actively is going through all her emails is unsettling None of the match. That's not having a moment of weakness and checking her email. Combined with the checking her location constantly, this is weird and unhealthy. OP, we could understand the whole moment of weakness thing,
My girlfriend goes on dating sites it sounds more like you're stalking your own girlfriend.
There's no way to be certain but maybe she's either tired of being in such a followed relationship seriously bro, checking her phone location even more than once?
Every couple has different boundaries...
She could be teaching you a lesson of she could be cheating, either way, you seem to be really insecure about the relationship, and it's going to push her away if it isn't already doing that. Take it from someone who's let insecurity in the past ruin relationships. This behavior will never, ever lead to
My girlfriend goes on dating sites good.
I couldn't stress that more - you might think you're protecting yourself now but no good can come from this. OP I'm not saying this to be a dick or to make you feel bad, but rather to help you understand the gravity of insecurity in a relationship.
It's literally a black hole that pulls in relationships and then destroys them. Not trying to be sarcastic, but maybe she has a Match. I don't condone the profile at all, just saying. Talk to her about it. It's not cool to have an active online dating profile when you're in a committed relationship. Go into it when you're feeling calm, and treat it as more of something you're curious about rather than something you're accusing her of.
If she gets super defensive, then she's probably doing shady business, and if she has a reasonable reason somehow, then you can deal with that. You should talk to her at the first possible chance you get. Don't let it nag on you. If you want to have a calm discussion, just remain calm and emotionless and think.
Let her talk, and think a few seconds before saying anything. Don't be stressed, or agitated. Best times to discuss things is after a meal. It is three options that will happen. A She doesn't cheat and she denies it, and her stories check out.
So I went on my...
B She admits to cheating because you found out. C She has cheated and she denies it. If she answers "I don't do that anymore" Say: Why is it necessary to state that you have a roommate?
Is it in because when you bring people over, you don't want reacting to all the boy stuff around? Look, I've made dating profiles and I'm happily married. As someone said below it's not because I'm looking or anything, I'm just interested in what the response will be.
Or, in the case of eHarmony, what their questionnaire was like. Talk to her, ask her about it. But not in an accusing sort of way, but just in the "are you unhappy with our relationship? Is there something we can do better as a couple? If she was actively cheating, I don't think there's much reason to cultivate her dating profile.
I'd say it's more likely that she's shopping around. A reader's girlfriend says she needs to stay on the sites in case their relationship doesn't work out. My girlfriend has just moved into a new flat without me. She's also joined a dating site, and the ideal man she's seeking is nothing like me.
I'm at. Ask if she is really on the dating site? Focus logically on what is going on and don't let "My girlfriend goes on dating sites" feelings get in the way if But with a girlfriend.
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