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She was sitting in LA traffic, and said she liked phone calls better anyway. I was super into it, and we talked really easily for like an hour and half. We had a similar sense of humor. We had both missed a lot of classic films, but had seen every bad one. I paced my living room floor, listening to her talk about books she liked and her dad and her job and the possibility of moving. Not necessarily Aliens v. Ghosts, but some unbelievably small detail that ruins what could be a genuine human connection.

I really hate Kanye.

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When I do karaoke I want everyone to know I do musical theatre. I just moved back to my hometown for the same reason everyone does — I graduated college, the city I was in was unbelievably expensive, and I hated my job. And here I am. And dating in this situation is rough, as we all have bizarre standards but not much to offer. I went on a coffee date recently with this girl from OkCupid.

She was so rad; she did improv and freelanced as a clown for some extra cash.

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