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What to say when you message someone on an online hookup site

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We analyzed overfirst contacts on our dating site, OkCupid. Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were statistically significant. Online dating advice at its best. Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs.

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These all make a terrible first impression. In fact, if you count hit and we do! This makes a certain sense: You might think that words like gorgeousbeautifuland sexy are nice things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them. On the other hand, more general compliments seem to work well:.

The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point. But very pretty is almost always used to describe the way something or someone looks, and you can see how that works out.

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We took a close look at salutations. The more informal standard greetings: There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombiebandtattooliteraturestudyingvegetarian yes! Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works. Awkwardsorryapologizekindaand probably all made male messages more successful, yet none of them except sorry affects female messages.

A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online.

It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly.

Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have no religion. These are the religious terms that appeared a statistically significant number of times.

Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often times per 10, messages, second only to mentions of christian and ahead of for jewish and for muslim.

But ideally you should just disbelieve the whole thing. The program then aggregated results by phrase before presenting the data. No one at OkCupid read any actual user messages to compile this post.

Written by Christian Rudder. Sign in Get started. Get updates Get updates. If you're curious and want to learn more about someone, enter a name on this site. . A lot of girls won't write a guy back because 'they don't know what to say'.

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